by Stephanie Berenbaum – June 29, 2011
Is Going to a Strip Club Cheating?
Our friend “Linda” recently came to us with an issue she and her husband were having. Initially she said it was a dispute about money and she wanted our Fab & Fru financial opinion. But as she spoke, it became clear once again just how often finances and feelings get intertwined … and gave a whole new meaning to the term Mad Money!
Mad Money and Marriage
Like a lot of couples we know, Linda and her husband, “Larry” allow themselves a certain amount of mad money each per month to spend on whatever they want. Normally, Linda’s mad money goes towards shoes, while Larry tends to spend his on tech gadgets. Pretty typical, even boring, right?
Is A Lap Dance a Legit Expense?
A few days ago, as Linda was trying on a new pair of shoes, she asked Larry what he bought with his spending cash this month. Larry, without even looking up from his book, commented that he spent it in Vegas the previous week, at his friend Dan’s bachelor party. Specifically, he spent it on lap dances at strip clubs!
Linda wasn’t sure what was more shocking – that her mild mannered, accountant hubby had blown hundreds of dollars on lap dances, or that he told her about it as casually as if he was asking her to dim the lights.
Is it Cheating?
Linda was beyond upset – in her mind Larry paying money to have naked women grind on him was equivalent to cheating! Even if they didn’t technically have sex, it came (no pun intended) close enough! Linda was enraged – not only at the way he had spent money, but the fact they she actually felt betrayed by his actions.
Which led us all to a discussion of … lap dances and porn in generally. Not something that me and my girlfriends usually discuss. For starters, is getting a lap dance tantamount to cheating? What about looking at pornography on the internet? And secondly, should there be conditions put on what couples can spend their mad money on?
The Naked Truth
First let’s address point A. If you are paying to have a naked woman rub her body all over you — is it any different than paying for sex? Linda said she couldn’t help feeling betrayed, but most guys we spoke with said “all the guys do it” and in no way was it cheating! And, to be honest, a lot of our girlfriends didn’t think it was such a big deal either…
Does Money Make It Okay?
Now let’s look at it from another angle – here’s where money comes into play again. Everyone we spoke with agreed if a married man meets a girl in a bar and the night ends with her rubbing her naked body all over him – that’s cheating – whether actual intercourse occurs or not. But once you add money into the equation and the men are paying for it – well then, that’s ok!?
Seems like the opposite of prostitution logic – whereas paying money for intercourse is a criminal activity, paying money for a non-intercourse sexual thrill legitimizes it? Isn’t that sort of a double standard? And speaking of double standards, it should come as no surprise that even though most guys we spoke with said paying for lap dances was no big deal, almost every guy we talked to said they would absolutely NOT be comfortable with their wife getting a lap dance from a man!
Lap Dances & Life Lessons
All of which brings us back to poor Linda and Larry. She’s ready to pull them into a marriage counselor, and he thinks she is totally overreacting. SO – what’s your opinion of this dicey intersection between money and sex? IS paying for sexual contact ever okay?| Print