First – And Last – Date?


Our friend Shelly recently went out on a first date with Max, an adorable lawyer she met at her gym.  She was so excited for the date – which is why we we were shocked when the next day she told us she didn’t want to go out with him again!

Shelly told us she felt really petty, but her reason had to do with parking of all things.  Apparently, Max picked Shelly up at her house and they drove to dinner – but when they arrived at the restaurant, he spent 15 minutes driving around looking for parking, rather than pay $10 for the Valet…

Shelly said she would have understood if he happened to find a space right away, but to spend 15 minutes with a virtual stranger who was getting increasingly aggravated looking for a parking spot (when he didn’t have to) – sort of freaked her out.  They ended up having a enjoyable dinner (which he paid for), but she couldn’t shake his obsession with avoiding the valet.

So, what do you think?  Is Shelly right to ditch this dude?  Or should she just offer to drive on their next date?!  Tell us what you think!

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5 Responses to “First – And Last – Date?”

  1. Simone says:

    It might sound like a small thing, but it’s really an indication of who he is and there’s plenty more of that to come in the future. He was not willing to avoid spending 15 minutes looking for a spot to save $10.00. He is one of those guys who will do the stupidest things because “it’s the principle”. I run like heck from that kind. He’s not willing to go with the flow. After looking for a parking spot for 5 minutes, he’s not willing to say, “gee, I hate spending 10 bucks on parking, but what the heck”. He’d rather ruin the beginning the date “on principle” rather than pay for valet. He’s the kind of guy that would pay $250. for a hotel room that includes breakfast rather than on a similar hotel room for $180. that then charges $30. for breakfast, “because it’s the principle!”. Or worse, he’d take the $180. room and buy boxed cereal the night before to keep in the room and say “Why should I spend $30. on cornflakes?”

    I’ve dated these kinds of guys, (never more than a couple of dates, then I ditched) and they are a misery to be with. Real sourpusses that wear the “it’s the principle” motto on their sleeve. They’re self righteous and annoying to be with.
    Be prepared for a life of walking a mile in heels because on principle they won’t pay for valet, or a life of always going the long way to avoid a bridge toll, or running around to stores to buy something because it’s cheaper on the other side of town. All the time spending more in gas than they’re actually saving and ruining plans such as meeting friends or going to a planned activity.
    Don’t misunderstand me. I’m all for saving money, and I don’t like to overpay. I shop around too. But these kinds of people do it to the nth degree and make their spouses and family members miserable in the process. Everything is a hassle with them and the simplest things, like going out for ice cream, can turn into a dreadful evening because the server forgot to inform Mr. Principle that there’s an extra charge for chocolate sprinkles on the ice cream.

    That said, being that Shelly is ready to ditch the guy, she may want to have an honest conversation with him and let him know and give him a chance to explain. She MAY find out that perhaps, he just doesn’t like anyone driving his car, and it’s not the money, and this is his only issue of contention. If that’s the case, then I say give it another shot. However, I doubt it, but I’m all for giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but my leaning that Shelly is probably doing the right thing.

  2. Tara says:

    If Shelley does not agree with her date’s prioritization of time vs. money, then she should definitely take this as a warning sign and relegate this guy in the “maybe we can be friends” category. Money can become a fundamental point of conflict in any relationship, and it’s especially critical for weathering the challenges of marriage, where something as minor as a toilet seat left up can evolve (or should I say devolve?) into grounds for divorce.

    If Shelley is looking for someone to build a life with, she should look for someone with whom she fundamentally agrees on what things are worth spending money for (e.g. if I can eliminate a stressful parking spot search and buy an extra 20 minutes of quality time with my beloved, then that’s $10 well spent!) vs.where it’s smart to pinch pennies (do we really need 150 channels of cable or sattelite TV?). This is not a small matter.

  3. Sue says:

    Simone, I think you are a hig maintenance lady. If you had started with the last paragraph and then the rest, I would probably not be saying it but you went on a personal rant. In reality, she should have made a light comment after they got parked or during dinner and gotten the issue aired out then. It could be a very simple satisfactory answer. And quit dwelling on it. Remember he was

  4. Sue says:

    Also on a first date and was probably a little tense

  5. Simone says:

    Hi Sue,

    Now let me get this straight:

    I put in a paragraph at the end, that you think I should have placed in the beginning, therefore I’m high maintenance.

    Then you suggest Shelly say “a light comment” and “getting issues aired out” during dinner.

    Therefor you think it’s appropriate to make passive agressive comments (sorry, there are no “light comments”) and airing out issues are good first date strategies, and then claim I’M the high maintenance one???

    Thanks for the chuckle, but I think the shoe is on the other foot. :)

    I don’t believe that during the first date is the appropriate time for
    “getting issues aired o

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