Red Wine … Or Red Flag?


by Brandi Savitt – January 22, 2013  

After completing a big project, Rose’s client gave her a $100 gift certificate to an elegant Italian restaurant as an extra thank you for a job well done.  A few weeks later, Rose started dating Daniel. While they’ve only been out a few times, Rose thought it would be a nice gesture to treat Daniel to a special dinner.  After all, he had taken her out a few times already, and she really was starting to like him.

When the couple sat down at their table, Daniel selected a pricey Chianti to celebrate their evening together.  They both ordered appetizers and main courses, and Daniel finished his meal with dessert and a couple of after dinner cocktails.  When bill the came, it was really no surprise that they were $45 over the $100 gift certificate, plus tip.

Because Rose invited Daniel to dinner, she immediately pulled out her credit card to cover the rest of the meal. But to her surprise, Daniel never even reached for his wallet.  While in theory, Rose feels like she has no right to be upset – in reality, she’s not sure what to think! When a man takes her out to dinner (gift certificate or not), she is always mindful of what she orders, and she expected the same from Daniel.

On the one hand, Rose is getting off fairly cheap having to only pay $45 for a fancy meal for two.  But on the other hand, is Daniel’s lack of attention to detail and money a red flag?  Does Rose have a right to be put off?

Tell us what you think!

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6 Responses to “Red Wine … Or Red Flag?”

  1. Annie says:

    This seems silly. Rose is being cheap. She obviously had expectations of not going over the $100, but didn’t communicate that, so it wasn’t obvious to anyone but her. It’s not assumed that you need to stay within the limits. And it’s not clear if Daniel knew about the gift certificate, but regardless, she asked him out. It’s bad form to offer to treat someone, take them to an expensive place and then set a limit in your mind as to how much you’re willing to shell out for said treat. She didn’t have to take him there, gift certificate or not. She could have chosen a less expensive place that fit within her budget, regardless of what was ordered. Sure, you should be mindful of what you order when someone invites you, but how do we know Daniel wasn’t? Did he order ALL the most expensive items, or did he just order one pricy bottle of wine and go cheaper on his entree and other items? (She could have spoken up and suggested a cheaper option in place of the chianti.) The $45 that she ended up paying is irrelevant to me. Whether $45 or $145, if you can’t really afford the restaurant, don’t eat there and definitely don’t offer to treat someone there.

  2. Molly says:

    Bascially, I agree with Annie and have a few more comments.

    When someone invites another person out to dinner, and I’m assuming Rose told Daniel that she was going to be treating him, why would she allow him to select the wine?
    The guest never selects the wine, unless the host(ess) says something like, “You pick”. Because wine prices vary so widely, I never make suggestions when I’m being treated, other than to day what type I like. (ie, I like bold reds, or I’m in the mood for a crisp white).

    Agree with Annie that Rose is being cheap by now reflecting that Daniel ordered an app, main, coffee and dessert and after dinner drink. Unless of course, when he’s paying, he orders differently. If that’s the case, it’s a red flad that he’s a greedy and selfish.

  3. KCB says:

    I don’t think Rose is being cheap at all. Daniel should have at least offered something, whether it was a tip or even the extra 45.00, and it should be her prerogative to turn it down. Men expect this of women even if they ask them out first, so why do the rules change all of a sudden when a woman asks a man out? If I were her, I would be very apprehensive of this man. Any guy who doesn’t at least offer, may not be a solid choice.

  4. Carol B says:

    I’m not sure if Rose is cheap or just inexperienced. She should not have expected her date to offer to chip in although it would have been a nice gesture. She may have felt awkward giving her date a price limit. Rose should chalk this up as one of life’s lessons. Next time she receives such a nice gift, Rose should go out with her besties and treat herself!

  5. Ms. Lici says:

    I am actually more so on Rose’s side but can understand both arguments. The thing about it is this: does Daniel always order this way when they go out. If the answer is yes then no need to worry. However, some people go overboard with the ordering when they know that someone else is paying. This seems to possibly be the case in this situation.

    Also did Daniel know that this was a gift card dinner and that we are trying to stay within the $100 limit? If not, Rose I have to say ‘it’s your bad’. I never understood why people try to pretend as though they have when they do not. “Oh I don’t want him to know I am using a coupon gift card etc.” WHO CARES?! Let’s make out dollars stretch on important things vice perpetrating for the Joneses.

  6. Molly says:

    KCB,
    Don’t agree that Daniel should have offered, nor do I agree that a woman should offer to pay part when a man asks her out to dinner. And “paying the tip”? Ick! Seems so chintzy.

    I’m married now, but when I was dating when a man invited me to dinner, he paid. Period. Sometimes we might have a before or after dinner drink at the bar and I would offer to buy the drinks, but that’s different than asking to pay the tip. Or I might pick up the tab for a different part of the date, such as the movie, or theatre tickets. But chipping in is so not classy. Also, if you ask to pay the tip, you have to know how much the bill was, and if someone is treating you, it’s none of your business.

    In the case of Rose and Daniel, she did two things wrong – allowing him to select the wine, and thinking he should chip in.

Any Thoughts?

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