Dating & Dollars: Who Pays?


The Price Of Romance

Yesterday I ran into my friend Nicki.  We started talking about her love life, and she told me she just went out on a date that seemed really promising … until the bill arrived.

She had met Jeff online, and it was their first date.  Jeff had initiated the contact, asked her out for drinks and chose the venue. And it was going really well – conversation flowed and there was a definite attraction.  Nicki was already thinking about their second date when the check came…

The Tipping Point

cash-wallet_300She assumed that since Jeff asked her out he would be picking up the tab – but she did make an “obligatory offer” to pay.  Much to Nicki’s surprise, Jeff did a quick calculation and suggested that she pay the $7 tip!

The second he told her how much she owed for the tip, she knew she didn’t want to see him again.  And I have to admit – I was horrified too and didn’t blame her!

“Change” Of Heart

Some of our friends think she shouldn’t have offered to pay in the first place.  But I still think it was a bad sign that he – the “asker”- actually took her up on her offer.  In some ways it might have even been a little less gross to have just both thrown down credit cards and split it evenly.  The thought of Nicki digging around for $7 (or having to get change for a $20 to get the $7) just makes it that much more awkward.

Jeff – of course – has already called Nicki and told her what a great time he had and that he wants to see her again.  But she was so turned off by the “tipping point” that she told me she has no interest in ever seeing him again!

So – what do you think? Does the “asker” always pay?  Should the “askee” even offer?  Do you think his actions are indicative of a total cheapskate?  Or should Nicki give him another chance?


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4 Responses to “Dating & Dollars: Who Pays?”

  1. Sue says:

    Since they met online and so was technically a totally blind date I think she should have offered to pay her share of the tab. The only offense that he made was telling her how much to leave for a tip but maybe he just wanted to indicate what the total bill was. That he took her up on it as far as leaving the tip is cool.

  2. Nelly says:

    She shouldn’t have offered.
    But now that he’s expressed interest in her and has asked her out on a real date – as opposed to a meet up – she should go out with him and give it a chance. When the bill comes this time, she should keep her mouth and her wallet shut.

    If he asks her to chip in, then she knows he’s a cheapskate. If he picks up the bill, the way a mensch should, then by the time the third date rolls around, they’ll both have a better idea of each others finances, and how they like relationships to work.

    Bottom line is no matter how much women achieve in the business world, nor how much money women earn, men are still “hunters”, and most men, who aren’t wuss’s like to feel masculine and protective. Picking up the check is a symbolic way of showing that, since we no longer have to hunt for and kill our own food. Once a long term relationship is established, things change, financial arrangements are discussed and each partner contributes in a way that feels comfortable and appropriate for both.

  3. cat says:

    Isn’t it 2013? If I go on a date, I show up with enough cash to cover half, just in case. I typically offer to “chip in…” sometimes have been told sure, and it’s up to my judgement as to how much to put in. If he says sure, give the tip, I say, okay, how much? I mean really, she goes from fantasizing about the second date to being pissed about $7 (less than one drink)? How shallow is she? He should run the other way!!

  4. Kathy says:

    I would be totally turned off too – even if they did meet online – he asked her out and arranged the date – totally cheap of him to ask her to cover the tip! He should have just thanked her for offering and insisted on paying – end of story!

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