by – Brandi Savitt – April 26, 2012

Teaching Self Esteem, not Entitlement

Last week, I had the misfortune of dealing with a colleague who asked for a promotion for a job she was simply too inexperienced to handle.  The ultimate problem was her demanding nature, and that her entitled tone (backed by no experience or strategy) offended many people involved in the account. The icing on the cake?  She was totally oblivious to the drama she had caused to the project and her team, and therefore could not bring herself to understand the consequences or take responsibility for her actions…

Cut to the chase: her ego and sense of entitlement were so extreme, she ultimately was let go! It got me thinking – how can you stop this sort of behavior from forming before it costs you your job?!

Don’t Blame Generation Y

While 20-somethings battle with the repercussions of being given the label “The Entitled Generation”, it is up to all of us to consider that maybe it isn’t the fault of the “kids today” at all, but rather the result of the lessons taught (or not taught) at home…so we talked to some seasoned educators and super grandmas for the scoop on how to teach our kids a strong sense of self without teaching them to expect to be handed the world on a silver platter.

The Gift of Self Esteem

You can tell a child all day long how fantastic and special they are, but if they never get a chance to prove it to themselves, they will never feel that sense of empowerment everyone needs to develop a strong sense of self.  The problem comes when kids get a gold star for everything (at school and at home) – even when it’s not deserved.

There is a fine line between trying to protect a child’s feelings and giving them a false sense of self.  A seemingly inflated ego can be a direct result of a child who is actually insecure and who never learned the value of accomplishment.

Taking Ownership

One of the best ways to teach your children responsibility is to teach them the value of money at an early age.  If your child is old enough to want an expensive toy, let them contribute to it’s purchase.  Perhaps they take on an extra job around the house, or strive to reach a new goal at school.  If they have to work hard to get something they want, it will mean more – and teach them to take ownership and responsibility in all aspects of life..

Being Accountable…

The next humbling lesson is to teach your children is to be accountable for their actions.  If a child throws her new toy against the wall and it breaks – guess what – the toy doesn’t magically get replaced to keep her from crying.   Learning the consequences of our actions and being able to admit when we made a mistake is a major factor in achieving future success.  After all, we all make mistakes – it’s how we own up to and fix them that really matters.

–Ultimately, my colleague’s entitled attitude lost her her job and several important references.  So, while your kids should be the center of your universe, make sure they know they are not literally the center of THE universe! 

by Alexandra Pauline – April 9, 2012

Promote Yourself to the Top

If you’re lucky enough to be working in a field that you love, and you want that promotion, the best way to make sure you’re not passed over is by making yourself STAND OUT as an invaluable employee.  Fab & Fru is here to help you be your own marketing team, for the best product you have: YOURSELF!

Brand, Value, Rapport

The first step to becoming a star employee is branding – establish who you are as an employee, and where you want to go in the company.  Decide how you’re hoping to grow beyond your current position, envision it and assert that image – with graceful confidence – to your superiors and colleagues.  Establish your value by formulating what makes you indispensable – master that talent and you’ll surely be noticed.  Focus on building your value by respecting everyone – at all levels – by getting to know a little more about them.  Fostering strong relationships with your clients, boss and support staff will lead them all to invest in you now and in the future.

Me First

A great way to get noticed is to be first!  This means being the first to the office, the first to meetings and doing things without being asked.  Initiative has always been the best way to get ahead, so do your research!  Find out what projects your boss is interested in working on and be the first to present relevant information.  Your colleagues will appreciate the help, and you’ll seem extra interested in the company’s TIMELY progress!  Problem solving and going beyond what’s expected of you is the BEST way to become indispensable.

Become a Reference Desk

In addition to keeping yourself looking the part – make sure your desk does too.  Look savvy by keeping a bookshelf behind your desk, and stock it with books pertaining to your field.  This act is NOT just for show.  Being versed in the latest trends pertaining to your business is an excellent conversation starter to help you build rapport with your boss, while showing your commitment to moving up in your field.  This readiness makes you look like an employee who really knows, and is INTERESTED in what she does – and if someone does have a question about something, you will be the go-to-girl in the department!

Speak Up

Don’t be a wallflower in you next meeting – stand out by speaking up!  If a problem is presented, offer a solution versus inciting an argument.  This also allows you to get feedback on ideas you may have regarding a certain project you want to be team leader on, or an area that happens to be your specialty.  Show that you’re giving thought to the issues that the company is facing, and highlight your talent AND dedication!

by Stephanie Berenbaum – April 5, 2012

Is Men-Only Membership a Mistake?

Even if you find golf to be painfully boring, you’ve probably been riveted by the controversy surrounding the Augusta National Golf Club this week.  Augusta, home to the legendary Masters Tournament, is a “men-only” club.  Part of the club’s tradition is to give a membership to all of the CEOs of companies that sponsor the Masters.  The catch this year? The Master’s big time sponsor IBM has a female CEO: Virginia “Ginni” Rometty.  And all eyes are on Augusta to see if Rometty will be offered a membership – as her male predecessors have in years past…

Membership Has Its Privileges

One of the most fascinating aspects of this debate comes down to money.  Exclusive, men- only clubs are as famous for the business deals that get brokered on the golf course as they are for their gorgeous rolling greens.  Some observers see the exclusion of women as a way to keep the glass ceiling in place.  As Terry O’Neill, the President of NOW said, “Million Dollar Deals Are Not Going Down At CURVES!” - referring to the woman-centered workout chain.

Money Talks

Another hugely important financial aspect is the sponsorship role of IBM.  In exchange for the millions of eyeballs that watch the tournament on tv, IBM pays upwards of $10 million per year for a prominent signage and advertising position.   So some say that the real issue lies with IBM.  After all, no one is forcing IBM to sponsor the Masters.  If, as a company, they decide they do not agree with the all-male policy, they could simply decide to spend their sponsorship dollars elsewhere.  And perhaps the lack of sponsorship dollars might persuade Augusta to change its policy…

Secret Society

In a comment yesterday, Augusta president Bill Payne said that membership matters are private.  So, who knows, perhaps Rometty or some other woman has already been offered a membership?  But what we find interesting is to dig deeper into the overarching gender inequality debate – and like most things, it seems to all come down to power and money.

As a private club, does Augusta have the right to keep its old school membership policy in tact? Or should they change with the times?  Should Rometty and IBM side step the whole issue, keep reaping the profits of their advertising efforts, and enjoy a great golf tournament?  Or should they opt out of sponsoring the Masters entirely?  

Tell us what you think!

by Brandi Savitt – March 29, 2012

Dollars and Sex

Former IMF chief/Sex-Scandal Magnet Dominique Strauss Kahn was back in the news again this week.  And the fact that he is being investigated for his involvement with sex workers in France wasn’t the most intriguing part of the story….  Reading about his latest PR debacle, I realized for the first time that while profiting as a pimp or madam is against the law in France, paying for sex is perfectly legal. In fact this is true of many countries around the world – including Canada!

So, that got us wondering: Is the United States’ conservative stance protecting women’s rights or hurting them?  Is it worth the government missing out on multi millions of taxable dollars to uphold a moral code by turning a blind eye on reality?  Or, could legalizing the oldest profession bring much needed regulation to those who partake -while increasing the government’s profit margin?

What Happens In Nevada…

Minus the rest of the United States, prostitution is legal in certain counties of the state of Nevada.  Because Nevada only legalized prostitution in counties with low populations, it means it is still illegal in Las Vegas…

In the counties where it is legal, revenues are produced through the same avenues as other businesses – license fees, taxes etc.  So, extrapolating these fees to a mass market like Vegas – and you’re talking potentially hundreds of millions of dollars in lost revenues. Like so many other “sin taxes” (cigarettes, alcohol), it doesn’t seem quite as sinful when you think about putting those dollars towards health care, social services and education …

Worker’s Rights

Okay, so aside from government revenues, what about the individual sex worker?  Pro-legalization points to the fact that legalizing prostitution includes many heath regulations – meaning the workers would be better off due to  regulations requiring the use of condoms and weekly STD testing. In addition, with legalization of industries of course comes unions, which many argue would greatly empower sex workers and help protect their interests…

Female Empowerment

In addition to financial considerations, there is another very big cost – the cost of freedom of choice for adults of  legal age.  Even among our own group of friends there is a huge debate on this topic – are women victims of prostitution?  Or are sex workers really in charge of their own destiny and own decision making?  Though these questions are not in and of themselves financial, they are the moral queries behind what makes this profession illegal in the first place.

Recessionary Thinking

Paraphrasing the lawyer in the Strauss Kahn case, you can think that something is morally reprehensible, but that doesn’t mean it should be illegal… OR should it?

Is our country missing out on millions of taxable revenue dollars and the opportunity to help better protect the millions of people who now illegally engage in sex for money?  Or should we continue to ignore an age old practice and legislate based on our moral code and ethics?

We want to know what you think!

by Alexandra Pauline – March 19, 2012

Breaking the Glass Ceiling One Job at a Time

This March marks the 25th anniversary of Women’s History Month, and we thought we’d celebrate by showcasing some of the professions where women are kicking some serious salary butt over their male counterparts.  According to American University Professor Caren Goldberg, “Women in traditionally male-dominated jobs are rewarded for bucking the stereotype, while women in traditionally female jobs are rewarded for ‘fitting in.”

Alas, many women must still fight for equal pay throughout their careers.  In fact, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported in 2010 that women only earn 81 cents for every dollar earned by men …so, what are the jobs where the ladies are on top, so to speak?  Check these careers out:

The Magic of Television

It’s no secret that the entertainment industry is dominated by high-powered men, but according to Payscale.com,  female television directors and producers often earn up to 9% more than their male counterparts throughout their career!  While those of us who work in the entertainment biz find this a bit shocking, it’s nice to know that the small screen is giving props to their top female creatives. -  Go Shonda Rhimes!

Kiss and Makeup

If there’s one thing women know A LOT more about than most men, it’s hair and makeup.  And while some of the most famous makeup artists and hair stylists are men, it’s the women that are still cleaning house in this department!

Get With IT

Yes, the world of network engineering and computer programming may be a boy’s club… But we are CALLING ALL LADIES with a mathematical mind, because joining this boy’s club can pay off big!  Female engineers working in information systems are reported to earn up to 6% more than the male coders and IT geeks.  While working on this side of IT is not everyone’s cup of tea, starting salaries average around $64,200!

by Alexandra Pauline – February 6, 2012

The Art of Tax Deductions

If you’re a freelancer, or you own a small business, the idea of getting a tax refund is likely a foreign concept.  Unlike our W2 bound friends, the art of understanding tax deductions is even more crucial for 1099ers when figuring out what you really owe each quarter and at the end of the year.  Consult with your accountant and take advantage of these Fab & Fru career specific tax tips – so you don’t end up paying more than you actually owe!

Writing-Off Your Home Office

What constitutes a home office anyway?  It doesn’t matter if you’re a musician, writer, financial consultant or a florist, if you work from home, you may be eligible to write off  portion of your rent or mortgage if your work space fits the IRS’s criteria.   According to the IRS, the key is your home office must be used for the business ­ purposes ONLY, and if audited, you must be able to prove it.   Even if your work area is part of larger room in your house, that space must be sanctioned off in some designated way.  –You can deduct up to 33% of your rent, so consult with your tax professional when trying to figure out the appropriate deduction to take.

The Cost of Doing Business… At Home

In addition, Michael Carney of MWC Accounting states that: “If an entrepreneur or small business owner operates their business from their home, there are many expenses that they can deduct.  Office furniture, heat, air conditioning costs, electric bills, and related home repairs are just examples of potentially eligible deductions.”  Frugal freelance writer Robert Ellis-Smith even added, “When I first opened my business – publishing a newsletter – I deducted the cost of firewood because that is how I heated my separate home office!”

Let Your Money Take Center Stage

If you are an actor, comedian, dancer or musician, there are many unexpected deductions you can take as a working performer.  While working hard to try and make it big doesn’t come cheap, you are entitled to some substantial deductions that may make tax time a little easier.  Did you know that your union dues, head shots, costumes, gym membership, monologue books, sheet music, haircuts and reels may all be eligible to be written off within the year of purchase?

by Alexandra Pauline – January 4, 2012 

How to Recognize a Bad Boss

It’s a brand new year so it’s no surprise there are a lot people out there looking for that brand new job – and many more who have been looking for it since last year…

With the less than bustling job market, it can be tempting to take any job you can get, but there are a few things you can do to make sure desperation isn’t flinging you into a really heinous work situation!  Job hunting comes with some big decision making, and here at Fab & Fru we’ve got some red flags to watch out for and make sure you can be a smart shopper in a suit!

Internet  Searching Is Not Always Working In Your Favor

Today, of course, many people look to the Internet to find that perfect position.  But just like any other aspect of the Internet, anyone can post anything, thus leaving a lot of room for spam and scams!

One of the first red flags your dream job listing can have is a light job description or simply a number or email to contact.  Charlotte Weeks, Co-Founder of marketmycareer.com said, “There should be a job description. If not, they may not actually be prepared to fill the position, and the candidate may not get all the important details on the job beforehand.”

Assessing the Work Vibe

An important consideration is how the person who’s interviewing you speaks to you.  Even if your interviewer is from HR and won’t be your direct report, they are a reflection on the company, and they set the tone.  Don’t ever ignore the vibe you get.  If you are interviewing with a potential colleague or boss, and they are at all condescending, it’s not because they’re testing you – the odds are that attitude won’t go away once you’re on the job…

Pay Attention to Pronouns!

The experts also suggest to take note of the types of pronouns your interviewer uses – and how.  Performance Consultant John Brubaker says “If your interviewer uses the term “you” in communicating negative information (such as, “you will deal with a lot of ambiguity”), don’t expect the boss to be a mentor…  If he or she uses “I” to describe the department’s success, it may suggest they are not a team player…  If “we” is used in regards to a particular challenge the team or company faced, it may indicate that he or she deflects responsibility and places blame.”  On a positive note, if used in the right way, “we” can also suggest they are looking for someone who knows how to collaborate and be a part of the team.

Owning the Choices We Make

After being out of the dating circuit for much of 2011, I recently went to dinner with a man who halfway into the meal looked at me in the eye, smiled and asked, “How is it that a girl like you hasn’t been married yet?”  While I think this was meant to be a complement, as a woman in her mid thirties (okay, late thirties), my reaction was more that of shame rather than feeling flattered.  Honestly, I just simply hate that question.  And this guy actually wanted an answer!

I instantly felt like a teenager getting caught sneaking into the house after curfew, and all of the blood in my body rushed into my cheeks.  And while my mind raced to formulate an answer that didn’t sound cliche,  he said the dreaded super cheesy words anyway – ” Is it because you’ve been focusing too much on your career?”  Oh c’mon, seriously man…!

He of course had already been married and divorced, as if it were a modern day badge of honor.  Did I miss the boat by not marrying the wrong person at least once, rather than choosing to wait for Mr. Right?

I Don’t Know How She Does It

Speaking of modern day cliches about women… I then woke up this morning only to hear a movie critic bash Sarah Jessica Parker’s new movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It”.  The over told tale of a high powered working mom trying to juggle her career, her kids and her marriage without falling apart or having the time to enjoy any part of her life.  Will this be my life when I do get married and have kids?  No thank you.  Is entirely over extending yourself the only way you can have it all? …Maybe they should rename the movie “I Don’t Know WHY She Does It.”

The Choice Is Yours

The truth is we all make choices, right?  Some are for money.  Some are for love.  And some are for happiness.  The bottom line is, there are very few things that we do in life that do not involve choice – even when something happens that is out of our control.  The choices we make shape who we are, and that’s a beautiful thing if you allow yourself to be aware of it.  Even when we are feeling overwhelmed or wishing something in our lives would change, realizing it is our own choices that have gotten us to where we are today is empowering.  It means we have the power to change and grow.  It helps us open our eyes to what we already have.  This all may be veiled as the plight of the modern woman, but the message is age old – think “The Wizard of Oz”…

The Grass Isn’t Necessarily Greener…

So, whether you are a stay at home mom wishing you were a CEO, a working mom who feels guilty you don’t spend enough quality time with your kids, or you’re a single career woman trying to decide if it’s time to settle down, it is human nature to want more — and in this day and age to sometimes want less…  So, take a moment and stop stressing out.  You’re not doing anything wrong.  But, if you want something to change, start by looking at all that you already have and be grateful.  The way we look at the world is everything.  And the choice is yours.

By Stephanie Berenbaum

Say It Ain’t So: Nice Guys Finish Last?

Is your husband or boyfriend known as the “nice guy” at work? You might be disheartened to hear that while your honey might be well-liked by his colleagues, his earnings probably aren’t as high as his less agreeable peers!

These findings come from a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, entitled “Do Nice Guys – and Gals – Really Finish Last?” And it comes to the sobering conclusion that, “Niceness—in the form of the trait of agreeableness—does not appear to pay.”  Ouch!

Challenging Traditional Gender Roles

One of the most interesting focuses of the study is about gender roles – and expectations – in the workplace.  Because, of course, I was wondering – do nice guys and girls both finish last? According to the authors, a lot of what’s tied into behavior and compensation is related to gender expectations.

Role Playing

Women are stereotypically seen as being more agreeable and men as, well, less so.  Which is why, as so many of us have experienced first hand, a strong-willed woman is often labeled as a “bitch,” while a similarly tempered man is seen as “strong.”  According to the authors, both men and women may “encounter backlash when they do not conform to stereotyped expectations.”  And yes, we’re talking 2011 reality, not a storyline for Mad Men! 

Agree To Disagree

The research found that, especially in workplaces where aggressivenesss is valued (I am thinking back to my days as a stockbroker!) that “disagreeable behaviors… seem to signal ability and promise.”  After years working in male-dominated finance, believe me, I have witnessed this phenomenon many, many times!

Mean Girls

And don’t think this study means you ladies should go out there and do your best “Mommy Dearest” impersonation in the hopes of getting a raise. The disagreeableness only really helps you out when it coincides with your gender expectation – ie – if you are a man! Which is why the researchers conclude they found “strong evidence that men earn a substantial premium for being disagreeable while the same behavior has little effect on women’s income.”

Battle for Income Equality

With the stock market and global economy in turmoil, I wish I had some great news to share with you.  But, alas, there is still a pay gap between what men and women earn for the same work – no matter how nice or mean you are!  The real message here, concludes the researchers, is that the decision makers at companies need to be more aware of their own expectations, and try to be more honest with themselves about stereotypes they hold…Until then, realize that the only way to really change a person’s opinion of yourself is to exceed their expectations and prove their ridiculous misconceptions about women in the workplace wrong!

Would you describe your at-work personality as rigid and stern OR service with a smile?

By Megan Segura – August 17, 2011

Secure Your Paycheck While Building Your Career

In today’s downturn economy, “job security” sounds more like an urban legend than a likely possibility. Most people just feel lucky enough to have a job, despite the fact that they’re working twice as hard for a fraction of their former salaries.  Still, if you find yourself among those fortunate few to have a job you like, you need to roll up your sleeves and do what it takes to keep that position — YOURS!

Show An Interest

If you like your job, and have a true interest in the field you’re working in- SHOW IT! Believe it or not, many people do not clearly express their interests at work, and that’s a huge mistake because your interests are what will really separate you from the rest of the pack. Why would anyone want an employee that could care less about their job and doesn’t keep on top of what’s going on in the indusrty? Elizabeth Kazda, a Senior HR Generalist with Sun Light & Power, says, “Stay in tune with industry news.” If you’re paying attention to the changing trends within your company, you’re not only educating yourself, but hopefully staying ahead of other employees in your field.

Sander Daniels, Co-Founder of Thumbtack.com, says, “The best employees at a company are always those who are enthusiastic about learning as much as they can about their job. This can mean either gaining deeper knowledge about the things you currently work on or gaining new knowledge about things you could be working on.”

It’s also advisable to take a personal interest in the company you’re working for. Learn the history of how it began, as well as the key players involved, like the CEO. The more you know about a company’s infrastructure, the better you will understand how everything operates and where exactly you fit in.

Earn Your Boss’s Trust

YOU may know that you’re a hard worker and have years of valuable experience behind you, but your boss has no way of knowing for sure  until s/he actually sees it.  Many people have had the misfortune of hiring someone who looks good on paper but gets into the office and doesn’t have a clue. Be willing to prove yourself from the get-go. This can be achieved by communicating effectively, observing as much as possible,  and asking smart questions from day one.

Executive Coach and Author Elizabeth Lions says, “Be responsive to my emails. It’s a written document… Respond to it.  I need to know you read it, and frankly it’s the respect I deserve, since I am ultimately responsible for what you did or didn’t do.”

You can also help communication along by updating your boss often on your progress on particular assignments.  After a while, your boss will be able to determine if you are competent enough to work more independently.