by Alexandra Pauline – January 4, 2012 

How to Recognize a Bad Boss

It’s a brand new year so it’s no surprise there are a lot people out there looking for that brand new job – and many more who have been looking for it since last year…

With the less than bustling job market, it can be tempting to take any job you can get, but there are a few things you can do to make sure desperation isn’t flinging you into a really heinous work situation!  Job hunting comes with some big decision making, and here at Fab & Fru we’ve got some red flags to watch out for and make sure you can be a smart shopper in a suit!

Internet  Searching Is Not Always Working In Your Favor

Today, of course, many people look to the Internet to find that perfect position.  But just like any other aspect of the Internet, anyone can post anything, thus leaving a lot of room for spam and scams!

One of the first red flags your dream job listing can have is a light job description or simply a number or email to contact.  Charlotte Weeks, Co-Founder of marketmycareer.com said, “There should be a job description. If not, they may not actually be prepared to fill the position, and the candidate may not get all the important details on the job beforehand.”

Assessing the Work Vibe

An important consideration is how the person who’s interviewing you speaks to you.  Even if your interviewer is from HR and won’t be your direct report, they are a reflection on the company, and they set the tone.  Don’t ever ignore the vibe you get.  If you are interviewing with a potential colleague or boss, and they are at all condescending, it’s not because they’re testing you – the odds are that attitude won’t go away once you’re on the job…

Pay Attention to Pronouns!

The experts also suggest to take note of the types of pronouns your interviewer uses – and how.  Performance Consultant John Brubaker says “If your interviewer uses the term “you” in communicating negative information (such as, “you will deal with a lot of ambiguity”), don’t expect the boss to be a mentor…  If he or she uses “I” to describe the department’s success, it may suggest they are not a team player…  If “we” is used in regards to a particular challenge the team or company faced, it may indicate that he or she deflects responsibility and places blame.”  On a positive note, if used in the right way, “we” can also suggest they are looking for someone who knows how to collaborate and be a part of the team.

Owning the Choices We Make

After being out of the dating circuit for much of 2011, I recently went to dinner with a man who halfway into the meal looked at me in the eye, smiled and asked, “How is it that a girl like you hasn’t been married yet?”  While I think this was meant to be a complement, as a woman in her mid thirties (okay, late thirties), my reaction was more that of shame rather than feeling flattered.  Honestly, I just simply hate that question.  And this guy actually wanted an answer!

I instantly felt like a teenager getting caught sneaking into the house after curfew, and all of the blood in my body rushed into my cheeks.  And while my mind raced to formulate an answer that didn’t sound cliche,  he said the dreaded super cheesy words anyway – ” Is it because you’ve been focusing too much on your career?”  Oh c’mon, seriously man…!

He of course had already been married and divorced, as if it were a modern day badge of honor.  Did I miss the boat by not marrying the wrong person at least once, rather than choosing to wait for Mr. Right?

I Don’t Know How She Does It

Speaking of modern day cliches about women… I then woke up this morning only to hear a movie critic bash Sarah Jessica Parker’s new movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It”.  The over told tale of a high powered working mom trying to juggle her career, her kids and her marriage without falling apart or having the time to enjoy any part of her life.  Will this be my life when I do get married and have kids?  No thank you.  Is entirely over extending yourself the only way you can have it all? …Maybe they should rename the movie “I Don’t Know WHY She Does It.”

The Choice Is Yours

The truth is we all make choices, right?  Some are for money.  Some are for love.  And some are for happiness.  The bottom line is, there are very few things that we do in life that do not involve choice – even when something happens that is out of our control.  The choices we make shape who we are, and that’s a beautiful thing if you allow yourself to be aware of it.  Even when we are feeling overwhelmed or wishing something in our lives would change, realizing it is our own choices that have gotten us to where we are today is empowering.  It means we have the power to change and grow.  It helps us open our eyes to what we already have.  This all may be veiled as the plight of the modern woman, but the message is age old – think “The Wizard of Oz”…

The Grass Isn’t Necessarily Greener…

So, whether you are a stay at home mom wishing you were a CEO, a working mom who feels guilty you don’t spend enough quality time with your kids, or you’re a single career woman trying to decide if it’s time to settle down, it is human nature to want more — and in this day and age to sometimes want less…  So, take a moment and stop stressing out.  You’re not doing anything wrong.  But, if you want something to change, start by looking at all that you already have and be grateful.  The way we look at the world is everything.  And the choice is yours.

By Stephanie Berenbaum

Say It Ain’t So: Nice Guys Finish Last?

Is your husband or boyfriend known as the “nice guy” at work? You might be disheartened to hear that while your honey might be well-liked by his colleagues, his earnings probably aren’t as high as his less agreeable peers!

These findings come from a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, entitled “Do Nice Guys – and Gals – Really Finish Last?” And it comes to the sobering conclusion that, “Niceness—in the form of the trait of agreeableness—does not appear to pay.”  Ouch!

Challenging Traditional Gender Roles

One of the most interesting focuses of the study is about gender roles – and expectations – in the workplace.  Because, of course, I was wondering – do nice guys and girls both finish last? According to the authors, a lot of what’s tied into behavior and compensation is related to gender expectations.

Role Playing

Women are stereotypically seen as being more agreeable and men as, well, less so.  Which is why, as so many of us have experienced first hand, a strong-willed woman is often labeled as a “bitch,” while a similarly tempered man is seen as “strong.”  According to the authors, both men and women may “encounter backlash when they do not conform to stereotyped expectations.”  And yes, we’re talking 2011 reality, not a storyline for Mad Men! 

Agree To Disagree

The research found that, especially in workplaces where aggressivenesss is valued (I am thinking back to my days as a stockbroker!) that “disagreeable behaviors… seem to signal ability and promise.”  After years working in male-dominated finance, believe me, I have witnessed this phenomenon many, many times!

Mean Girls

And don’t think this study means you ladies should go out there and do your best “Mommy Dearest” impersonation in the hopes of getting a raise. The disagreeableness only really helps you out when it coincides with your gender expectation – ie – if you are a man! Which is why the researchers conclude they found “strong evidence that men earn a substantial premium for being disagreeable while the same behavior has little effect on women’s income.”

Battle for Income Equality

With the stock market and global economy in turmoil, I wish I had some great news to share with you.  But, alas, there is still a pay gap between what men and women earn for the same work – no matter how nice or mean you are!  The real message here, concludes the researchers, is that the decision makers at companies need to be more aware of their own expectations, and try to be more honest with themselves about stereotypes they hold…Until then, realize that the only way to really change a person’s opinion of yourself is to exceed their expectations and prove their ridiculous misconceptions about women in the workplace wrong!

Would you describe your at-work personality as rigid and stern OR service with a smile?

By Megan Segura – August 17, 2011

Secure Your Paycheck While Building Your Career

In today’s downturn economy, “job security” sounds more like an urban legend than a likely possibility. Most people just feel lucky enough to have a job, despite the fact that they’re working twice as hard for a fraction of their former salaries.  Still, if you find yourself among those fortunate few to have a job you like, you need to roll up your sleeves and do what it takes to keep that position — YOURS!

Show An Interest

If you like your job, and have a true interest in the field you’re working in- SHOW IT! Believe it or not, many people do not clearly express their interests at work, and that’s a huge mistake because your interests are what will really separate you from the rest of the pack. Why would anyone want an employee that could care less about their job and doesn’t keep on top of what’s going on in the indusrty? Elizabeth Kazda, a Senior HR Generalist with Sun Light & Power, says, “Stay in tune with industry news.” If you’re paying attention to the changing trends within your company, you’re not only educating yourself, but hopefully staying ahead of other employees in your field.

Sander Daniels, Co-Founder of Thumbtack.com, says, “The best employees at a company are always those who are enthusiastic about learning as much as they can about their job. This can mean either gaining deeper knowledge about the things you currently work on or gaining new knowledge about things you could be working on.”

It’s also advisable to take a personal interest in the company you’re working for. Learn the history of how it began, as well as the key players involved, like the CEO. The more you know about a company’s infrastructure, the better you will understand how everything operates and where exactly you fit in.

Earn Your Boss’s Trust

YOU may know that you’re a hard worker and have years of valuable experience behind you, but your boss has no way of knowing for sure  until s/he actually sees it.  Many people have had the misfortune of hiring someone who looks good on paper but gets into the office and doesn’t have a clue. Be willing to prove yourself from the get-go. This can be achieved by communicating effectively, observing as much as possible,  and asking smart questions from day one.

Executive Coach and Author Elizabeth Lions says, “Be responsive to my emails. It’s a written document… Respond to it.  I need to know you read it, and frankly it’s the respect I deserve, since I am ultimately responsible for what you did or didn’t do.”

You can also help communication along by updating your boss often on your progress on particular assignments.  After a while, your boss will be able to determine if you are competent enough to work more independently.

by Brandi Savitt – June 27, 2011

Moonlight Your Way into More Money

Are you looking for a way to make some extra cash on the side that won’t interfere with your day job or taking care of the kids?  Well, we’ve been talking with some of our savvy friends to see how they’ve turned a bad economy into a positive cash flow.  Here are their Fab & Fru tips to help you get your money making wheels in motion!

Teach a Class at the Community College

Before she left her job to raise her two kids, Janet was a successful intellectual property lawyer with a specialty in New Media and online content.  Not wanting to work part time at a firm, Janet approached the local college and pitched teaching a copyright law class to their New Media students.  Sold!  Although the pay is no where near her hourly rate, Janet now teaches two evenings a week, earns a few thousand dollars per semester and loves it.  Not only is she bringing in some extra cash while getting to spend time with her family, she is also able to get health insurance for the whole family through the school.

So, if you’ve been successful in your field and have the credentials to prove it, call up your local college and see if they are looking for lecturers in your area of expertise.  Many schools look for teachers that are not just academics but who also have hands on professional experience.  You never know… if you pitch an interesting class, you may soon be on your way to giving lectures all over town!

Sell Your Stuff

Whether it’s starting your own store on eBay by selling your old book collection, selling your crafts on Etsy, or registering with shutterstock.com to license your photographs for $.25-$28, we know several woman who have successfully supplemented their income by getting smart and selling online!

Become a Tutor for Adults

Are you good at explaining things?  Do you have the patience of a saint?  Our friend, graphic designer friend Andi is a master at the software programs Photoshop and InDesign.  To make extra money on the weekends, Andi now gives private tutor sessions to college students and adults who want to learn how to master the programs.   At $50 an hour, Andi is now pulling in an extra $200 extra a week!

Whether it’s teaching English, helping adults pass the GRE, or teaching quilting to a mommy group, think about what you’re good at, and let people know you’re available to tutor!

Join a Focus Group & Take a Survey

Do you have an opinion you’d like to share?  Well, why not get paid for it!  Our friend Sara makes a couple of hundred extra bucks a month by filling out online surveys and joining focus groups.   She says there are many online focus group and survey companies out there representing companies who need to get the honest opinion of their potential customers, and many of them PAY you to participate.  Sara warns though, while this is a great way to make extra cash, you do need to vet each site before moving signing up!

Rent Out Your Parking Space

If you live in an urban area and have an extra garage or parking space – RENT IT OUT!  There are tons of people who don’t want to park there car on the street and would pay BIG for a safe, dry and convenient spot.  Our friend Michelle lives in a brownstone in Brooklyn, and rents her small one car garage out for $375 a month!

Do you or your friends have a Fab & Fru way to supplement your income?  We want to hear from you!

by Brandi Savitt – June 23, 2011

Top 10 Tips to Get You Started

Last weekend, my neighbor and I ventured down into the dungeon-y basement of our building only to discover all of these amazing lamps, furniture, bikes, electronics and clothes that no one in my co-op will ever use again.  And then it hit us – why don’t we try and sell all this good stuff on eBay to help pay for some of the improvements we want to make to the building?!

I must admit, I am very late to the game when it comes to using eBay as a resource to sell household items. What do you need to do and know?  What things sell the best?  What shouldn’t you bother even putting up for auction?  So, if you’re looking to make some extra cash on eBay too, but don’t know where to begin, here are some tips DIRECT from eBay.com to help us all get started!

Find Out What Your Item is Worth

If you know what you want to sell, you can get information about the item such as the recent sales activity and price, appropriate listing category and key words, and examples of good descriptions. Simply do an Advanced Search on your item and click Completed Listings.  If you want to see what’s currently selling the best on the site,  check the  eBay Pulse feature for the latest purchasing trends.

Determine Pricing & Listing Format

Many sellers that sell in an auction-style listing format, find that setting a low opening bid with no reserve jump starts bidding and increases their final selling price. New standard fees let you list Auction-style for free and pay only when it sells. However, demand for the item must be high to generate multiple bids. Your research in step one will help you with this information. To appeal to buyers that want a quick sale, you can add a Buy It Now price to your auction-style listings. If you know the value of your item or have multiples of the same item, set a fixed price for a quick sale. Learn about how eBay displays items in search results.

Sign Up for PayPal

PayPal enables you to accept online payments for your eBay items. Sellers must offer safe electronic payments to buyers on eBay, so sign up today – it’s fast and free to sign up.

Maximize Your Item Title

Be sure to include key words that buyers will search for, unique or descriptive attributes, and always check your spelling. Your item title is critical in helping users find your items, so use each character wisely using descriptive key words.

Describe Your Sale Items in Detail

A good description is concise, well organized, and easy to read. Create bold section headlines, bulleted lists, and be sure to include item style/type, brand, condition, and other attributes. When available in your category, use item specifics to help buyers find your item. Depending on category, item specifics include the condition of the item (new, used), size, color, brand, etc. Make sure to include your return policy and handling time, which is now required in every listing.

by Stephanie Berenbaum – June 6, 2011

Want To Be Your Own Boss?

Considering leaving your corporate job and starting your own business? Then this advice is for YOU.  Our friend Linda Descano, President and COO of Women and Co. recently interviewed a bunch of female entrepreneurs (including yours truly) about what it’s really like to venture out on your own!

Chances are you probably have quite a few girlfriends who have made the leap (or are trying to make the leap) from executive to entrepreneur.  And, as we’ve all probably experienced, female intuition kicks in loud and clear when you are ready for a major life change…  Or, to be truthful, sometimes our friends’ intuition kicks in even before our own…

My Own Story

I was beyond burned out at one job in particular, when my friend Melissa pulled me aside and told me that when she saw me I seemed so stressed out she didn’t know if I was going to laugh or cry.  And to be honest… neither did I!  Like so many of us, I was ready for a major change, and was intrigued by the idea of starting my own business… but had no clue what that really meant.

Women Business Owners on the Rise

As you may have guessed, starting your own business is not without major challenges, stresses and hair pulling moments that might just make days at your corporate job seem like a walk in the park!  But, apparently the trials and tribulations of venturing out on our own aren’t stopping us.   According to a U.S. Department of Commerce report, between 1997 and 2007, the number of women-owned businesses grew by 44 percent.  That’s twice as fast as men-owned firms!

Linda’s Starting 7

There is so much advice to give to a budding entrepreneur – but who has the time?  Luckily for us, Linda Descano has whittled down the best advice from her many conversations with female entrepreneurs … into 7 tips.  We think Linda’s “starting 7″ are great points to help get your head on straight when thinking about jumping ship:

1. Do It for the Right Reason

It’s important to be real with yourself about WHY you want to start a business, and to ask yourself whether your passion can withstand a reality that may not always be all roses both financially and emotionally.  So many of the women Linda sat down with affirmed that their primary motivation wasn’t power or to get rich.  Although money and power eventually came for many of the entrepreneurs, it was often only after a long rocky road of financial ups and downs .

2. Understand the Level of Commitment Required

Forget about nine to five and be prepared to work at all hours.  As many of the entrepreneurs testified, starting your own business is like giving birth.  You may love your baby, but be prepared to work 24/7!

3. Examine Your “Fit.”

Do a personal deep dive to examine what has made you successful in your current field and whether those traits are aligned with those shared by successful entrepreneurs. Before taking the leap into launching your own company, consider reading what other entrepreneurs have to say about their own business journeys – a great place to start is in Women and Co’s Entrepreneurial Insights Gallery.

by Brandi Savitt – June 3, 2011

Free Offline Ways to Meet New People

I’ve lived in New York City my entire adult life.  I have a close knit group of friends, a fulfilling social life, and a career that keeps me on the go 24/7.   So, when I recently joined a couple of New York City entrepreneur Meetup groups at the urging of some colleagues, I was totally surprised to learn that ‘meeting up’ was more than a thing to do – it was an actual free online self-organizational system to help like-minded strangers (no matter what your interests) plan live events -or meet ups- and connect in person.  How had I not heard of this fantastic Fab & Fru way to meet new people?!

So, if you’re looking for an easy and inexpensive way to explore a new hobby, meet new people, or even get some business advice, check out a Meetup near you!

How Meetup Works

With 7.2 million members around the world, there are over 250,000 Meetups a month spanning 46,000 topics.  All you do is go to the site, put in your zip code and your topic of interest – and ouila – all  related local groups appear for you to check out and join.  And the best part is, if you still can’t find a Meetup that fits your liking, you can easily just start your own!

How Do You Know if a Group Will Be Good?

The reality is – YOU DON’T! There are no official Meetup standards for size or quality of events, but it is easy enough to see how many members a group has, the dedication of the organizer, and the type of events coming up.  At the end of the day, it’s up to you to go and check it out.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  * I have to say, the events I’ve been to through the entrepreneur groups, have all been extremely professional, fairly large events, well organized, and super worthwhile!

Reasons to Shake It Up a Little

Mix Business & Pleasure

If you are interested in a particular field and looking to network, Meetups are a social (and often educational) way to meet other professionals working in your industry.  Whether you’re looking for a job, a partner, venture capital – you name it- there are well organized Meetups out there that attract serious players and truly dedicated people!

Explore New Interests

Whether you’re looking to join a dystopian book club, a group who shares your love of Korean BBQ, or you want to meet wine enthusiasts who will teach you everything they know, there is a Meetup for you.  Sky’s the limit!

Take Charge & Change the Trend

Contributed by Galia Gichon

There was an excellent special report in the Wall Street Journal about Women in the Economy.  Did you know that there are only eleven female CEOs out of all of the Fortune 500 companies?  In fact, this number has actually declined in the last couple of years!

So, where are all of the women CEOs anyway?  And what can we do to change our corporate fate?  Although not every woman wants to become the CEO of a giant corporation, we all should remind ourselves of an important lesson: setting yourself up to succeed is not just about how other people perceive you – it’s about how you perceive yourself!

Focus on Your Potential Not Just Your Performance

What struck a chord with me in the article was a comment by Vikram Malhotra of McKinsey and Co;  “Middle management women get promoted on performance.  Middle management men get promoted on potential.”  This is crazy thing to hear, but it also makes sense based on many of the jobs and career paths women gravitate towards.

One solution is to get women out of their traditional corporate roles, like human resources, and guide them towards departments that are profit centers where they will be more likely get groomed for more executive positions.  If more more women focus on securing “ nontraditional” female jobs, the standards will have to change on how and when we get promotions.

Fight for Flexibility

Often times, the more kids a woman has, the less interested she is in vying for a promotion that will force her to spend even more time away from home.  While men are typically the opposite; the more kids they have, the more pressure they feel to get promoted. And our corporate and social systems are designed to support this type of motivation.  Clearly, women do not feel they have the same corporate and familial support as they move up the ladder, but flexibility in the workplace could change that and help create more opportunities for hardworking women to have it all!

Get On Board

Another key action step that I find empowering, is to encourage more women to market themselves to take positions on corporate boards.  One way to do this is to create training programs to teach women how to get on a board and how to make the most of it!

by Stephanie Berenbaum – May 11, 2011

Time is Money

I was thrilled to speak with the fabulous Rita Mauceri, founder of website Dotcoms For Moms, the other day!  We all know that time is money – and this great resource can help you save more of both. Dotcoms For Moms is dedicated to finding the best of the web – handpicked for moms. Finally, someone multi-tasking on your behalf!

What’s Their Mission?

The theory behind the site is that moms – of course – love to use online resources, but there is so much information out there that searching the internet can become overwhelming and way too time consuming.  So, DFM does the work of sifting through and rating all the internet has to offer – so you dont have to!

Well, all this is right up Fab & Fru’s alley – so much so that I was delighted to be asked to be DFM’s new ‘Frugal Mom Maven’ -  and soon I will be offering my fabulous – and frugal – tips as one of Rita’s mom experts.

Three Kids…In 14 Months

But back to Rita.  Aside from loving her site, I found Rita’s personal story to be incredibly inspiring.  She found herself, as many of us do, making the transition from the corporate world to the mommy world – and in Rita’s case it was quite a shift.  She entered mommyhood on a fast track – she gave birth to 3 children in 14 months. Yes, you read that correctly. She had twins and then four month later got pregnant again.  She’s now the proud mom of twin 5 year old boys and a 4 year old daughter – this woman knows first hand about the demands of being a busy mom!

Transition Time

Rita left a career as a successful TV producer to start her own venture.  But like many of us who want to leave corporate America to become entrepreneurs, she grappled with what to do next.  Then one night, Rita had an epiphany when she was online looking for socks for her kids (proof that inspiration can come when you least expect it!) It took her 3 hours to find what she was looking for, and it dawned on her that there was a major need for a “go to” resource that could narrow down all the cool stuff moms are looking for without them having to waste a lot of time sifting through all the junk out there!

Rita’s Picks

Given that Rita is so good at finding needles in a haystack, I was of course curious to know what some of her top Fab &  Fru picks were! Not surprisingly, she had some great tips…

Ikea Hackers!

Despite my love of Ikea, I had never heard of one of Rita’s favorite sites – Ikea Hackers!  This site shows you how to turn your Ikea finds into personalized,  fabulous additions to your home.  It’s amazing how simple add-ons – like decals or paint – can do the trick in seconds . We love it!