by – Brandi Savitt – April 26, 2012

Teaching Self Esteem, not Entitlement

Last week, I had the misfortune of dealing with a colleague who asked for a promotion for a job she was simply too inexperienced to handle.  The ultimate problem was her demanding nature, and that her entitled tone (backed by no experience or strategy) offended many people involved in the account. The icing on the cake?  She was totally oblivious to the drama she had caused to the project and her team, and therefore could not bring herself to understand the consequences or take responsibility for her actions…

Cut to the chase: her ego and sense of entitlement were so extreme, she ultimately was let go! It got me thinking – how can you stop this sort of behavior from forming before it costs you your job?!

Don’t Blame Generation Y

While 20-somethings battle with the repercussions of being given the label “The Entitled Generation”, it is up to all of us to consider that maybe it isn’t the fault of the “kids today” at all, but rather the result of the lessons taught (or not taught) at home…so we talked to some seasoned educators and super grandmas for the scoop on how to teach our kids a strong sense of self without teaching them to expect to be handed the world on a silver platter.

The Gift of Self Esteem

You can tell a child all day long how fantastic and special they are, but if they never get a chance to prove it to themselves, they will never feel that sense of empowerment everyone needs to develop a strong sense of self.  The problem comes when kids get a gold star for everything (at school and at home) – even when it’s not deserved.

There is a fine line between trying to protect a child’s feelings and giving them a false sense of self.  A seemingly inflated ego can be a direct result of a child who is actually insecure and who never learned the value of accomplishment.

Taking Ownership

One of the best ways to teach your children responsibility is to teach them the value of money at an early age.  If your child is old enough to want an expensive toy, let them contribute to it’s purchase.  Perhaps they take on an extra job around the house, or strive to reach a new goal at school.  If they have to work hard to get something they want, it will mean more – and teach them to take ownership and responsibility in all aspects of life..

Being Accountable…

The next humbling lesson is to teach your children is to be accountable for their actions.  If a child throws her new toy against the wall and it breaks – guess what – the toy doesn’t magically get replaced to keep her from crying.   Learning the consequences of our actions and being able to admit when we made a mistake is a major factor in achieving future success.  After all, we all make mistakes – it’s how we own up to and fix them that really matters.

–Ultimately, my colleague’s entitled attitude lost her her job and several important references.  So, while your kids should be the center of your universe, make sure they know they are not literally the center of THE universe! 

by Stephanie Berenbaum – April 25, 2012

Go Green & Save Money with LunchSkins

My sons’ school has been doing a great job encouraging parents to pack “no waste” lunches for the kids.  No waste meaning: no paper napkins, no disposable utensils and absolutely no plastic sandwich bags!

And while I am all for the Green movement – it has taken a lot of trial and error to find eco-friendly products that I would actually recommend to friends and Fab & Fru readers.  After experimenting – a lot – I found a baggie alternative I love:  LunchSkins!  And what’s even more Fab & Fru?  They are now available at TARGET!  Now you really have no excuse.

Dollars & Eco-Sense

In addition to protecting the environment, LunchSkins  also protect your wallet.  For example, Ziploc sandwich bags run about $4.50 for 100, and Ziploc’s snack bags run about $3.90.  Assuming you are constantly replenishing your supply like most moms I know, you’re probably dropping at least $100 a year on plastic bags.  Instead, the next time you are at Target, pick up a LunchSkins two bag pack (snack and sandwich bag) for $10.99 and reuse them hundreds of times.  — Or you can buy snack, sub and sandwich bags directly from the LunchSkin site  for between $8-$11 dollars each.

Don’t Be A Landfill Loser

Here’s the scoop – the moms who founded the company were shocked to hear that 20 million plastic sandwich bags – A DAY – were going into landfills from school lunches.  So they designed LunchSkins to be even better than a regular old baggie.

LunchSkins are made from a thick cotton fabric that is coated with a food-safe polyurethane liner – which contains NO BPA, lead, or phthalates!  LunchSkins are also grease proof and moisture proof making them ideal for messy sandwiches and snacks (is there any other kind of snack?)  And they’re easy to clean and dishwasher safe.  Plus, I love their modern designs!  Seriously, what more can a girl ask for?  I highly recommend investing in these fun, eco-friendly lunch bags.  Cutting back on waste and saving money = totally Fab & Fru!

by Stephanie Berenbaum – January 19, 2012

Buggin’ Out?

Given the rotten job market and downer economy, I am happy to say I have recently encountered a business which gives me confidence that this country is going to be ok: I am speaking, of course, about Professional Lice Removal.

In general, I try not to make impulse purchases.  But when I got a call from my son’s school that his hair was infested with lice – well, let’s just say all logic (and money) went out the window!

Pricey Lice!

Instead of weighing my options, I immediately called a salon near me we’ll call “Pricey Lice” – yes, a professional lice removal salon.  In that instant I lost all faith in my motherly abilities to de-louse my child and assumed only a professional could do the trick.  At this point I was sure all of our family members, babysitters and close friends had also been infested by associating with our family, and I just wanted them GONE.

So, of course, in my frenzy, did I even stop to ask about price?  No, I didn’t.  I was just thrilled to get an appointment and we rushed right over…

Back In The Day

If I had stopped to think about it, I might have recalled having lice back in the 70s, when my mother took on the role of cheif de-louser with Rid shampoo and a fine toothed metal comb.  There were no lice salons back in the 70s, of that I am pretty sure!

Fast forward to Pricey Lice, where our whole family  got checked and miraculously only one son had it.  The checkers were as nice as could be, and even my 6 year old was relatively happy, sitting there for several hours playing video games and eating snacks …and no, the snacks were not free.  As they combed product through his hair and checked through it all in tiny sections, I have to say I was relieved to have this resource right around the corner!  That is, until…

Feeling Like A Nit-Wit

I went to pay the bill – and I honestly thought there was an error – it was almost $400.  This included the de-lousing for my son, which took a couple hours, checks for the other 3 of us at $30 a head, and purchase of the deluxe home care product kit they sell, for $80.  Plus a few more bucks for goldfish crackers and Yoo-Hoo.  I did then what I should have done in the first place – looked at the pricing!

They, like many lice removal services,  charge by the hour – this includes evaluating, removal and treatment.  It’s $95 for the first hour (the minimum) and then $23.75 for each 15 minutes thereafter.  Keep in mind only one of my sons needed lice removal – he has long hair for a boy but nowhere near as long as the girls in his class – so I can only imagine how much it cost for them or multiple siblings to get treated!

Due to his level of infestation, we were told to come back for a second treatment a few days later – priced the same way as the first visit (but took less time).  The second check ran us about $100, so, in all we’re talking about a staggering $500 total.  And as far as I could tell, they didn’t offer financing plans – though apparently they said many customers were able to get partial reimbursement from insurance…

By Steph Berenbaum – October 19, 2011

Taking Your Kids Out of Private School

In today’s world, choosing to live in a city often means your kids won’t have access to a good public school education nearby.  And for the LA moms I know, the cost of private school is a constant topic of conversation.  In fact, last week a few of us were sitting around talking with our friend Kim about her decision to (gasp) transfer her children out of private school and into their neighborhood public school.  As Kim put it, she is giving up on the dream of her kids having the same  ”upper middle class” urban childhood that she had…

Kim isn’t alone.  A lot of our friends empathized – they, too, felt they had failed at recreating what they had growing up – namely a privileged life of private schools, gracious homes, and prestigious colleges.  So why does it seem so impossible to recreate the “good life” for our own kids?  Is the cost of living really so much more than it was when were kids?

The Price Of Private School

In Los Angeles, the cost of kindergarten at a private school is roughly $17 to $25,ooo  per year – per child.  Costs go north from there as the kids get older, but for the sake of argument let’s just say it’s about  $20,000 per child.  Let’s say for the average two kid family, that is $40,000 in tuition per year right off the bat. Plus, each family is also expected to donate additional funds to the school, and of course pay for your child’s other extra activities.  All this can easily come to about $50,000 for two kids under age six!

To put this in perspective, the median household income in the US is about the same – $49,000 per year. Shocking, right?  Are all of these parents doing that well in this economy?

Save Now, Splurge Later?

Kim is wondering if it might work for her to send her kids to public elementary school and then transfer them to private for middle and upper.  The tuition cost savings for elementary school would be significant: a whopping $300,000!  A no brainer, right?  The problem is, if she pulls them out of the private school system now,  will they be able to successfully get into an uber-competitive  private school later?  There is no guarantee if they leave…  How are all these other families able to swing it?

Family Money

Although many of her friends are quite successful, after talking to them in depth, Kim realized a large percentage of them were actually being supplemented by their families in some way.  Either grandparents were helping with tuition, or they had trust funds or some other form of “family money” to help pay for private school.  And to be honest, when she thought about it,  Kim herself wasn’t really sure what had gone on in her household growing up – money was rarely discussed. For all she knew her grandparents had been helping out with her tuition too – the subject just never came up.

By Megan Segura – October 17, 2011

Birthdays Without Big Bucks

While I no longer get particularly excited for my own birthday, I still remember how much I used to love that day.  Even though it usually coincided with our winter family vacations, my parents made a point to make me feel special by throwing a small party wherever we were.  But as any parent can tell you, many of today’s kids’ parties come with adult price tags!

So – if the economy has thrown a dent in your party planning budget – don’t fret!   You can still throw a superbly fun birthday bash without spending a small fortune.  Remember — The size of your party budget does not represent the amount of love you have for your child, or how much fun all the kids will have.  The key is to get creative – here are some of our fave ideas and sites to help you plan…

Get the Guest of Honor Involved

Evites may be cheap and easy, but I miss the personal touch only a physical invitation can bring. Why not get your birthday boy or girl involved by having them create the invitations?  Fold a piece of construction paper, and let your child decorate the outside. Add the What, When, Where and Why inside, and you’re done! Just make sure you start this process a couple of weeks ahead of the actual date you want to send invites by, so your child doesn’t have to spend hours at a time on the project.

Pick A Theme

Parties are easier to organize once a theme has been chosen. From there, you can base the rest of your choices on that one central decorating scheme. Your child should be able to provide some great ideas, and Hostess With the Mostess is always full of creative party themes, but don’t let the site intimidate you – no one expects you to be THAT crafty…  For fun, affordable and retro party ideas, also check out these Fab & Fru kid party tips.

Make a Homemade Cake

Aside from the invitations, the birthday cake is a great place to flex your domestic muscle. Try looking at Family Fun for cake ideas. They also come with detailed instructions, so the final product actually looks like the picture they show.

Choosing A Venue

Frugal Confessions created a handy chart that lists venues by their price per child. This is a great tool if you’re looking to go outside your home for the birthday party celebration.  Remember, though, staying home can be just as fun if you organize time and events so that the kids are constantly doing something fun.

Party Favors

If you want to send kids home with something sweet, try looking at bulk candy sites like Candy.com. You’re able to buy large amounts of candy for less (they’re great for Halloween, too), and since most do not come individually packaged, you can wrap the candy in cellophane or a small box that matches the theme of your party.

Make the Day About Your Kid

While it’s important to set a good example for your child and make all of your guests feel welcome, the day should really center on the birthday boy or girl.  Throwing a party that impresses the other adults won’t ever be as important as the sweet memories you’re creating for your little one.

What is the most memorable kid party you little one has been to lately?

By Brandi Savitt – September 29, 2011

The Price Tag of Paying It Forward

Have you ever been to an event, your place of worship, or even a museum where you’ve been asked for a “suggested donation” that you can’t or don’t want to pay?  This week we’ve had two friends share donation stories that left us thinking… When giving to a cause, does feeling more pressure up your ante — or crush your giving spirit?

Samantha’s Montessori Story

Last week Samantha’s son started first grade in a renowned Montessori school in Chicago.  Tuition is far from cheap, but Sam and her husband feel that this school is the right place for their little guy.  Entering the private school scene, Sam expected there to be a couple fundraisers and donation drives throughout the year to help supplement the growing school.  But as she sat in parent orientation, Sam was shocked when she was handed a slip of paper that said: SUGGESTED DONATION PER FAMILY: $2,000!  Didn’t she just pay a tuition bill?

Sam was not alone in her reaction, but many parents felt pressured to pay so the school didn’t look down upon them and their kids.  Sam didn’t know what to do.  Isn’t a suggested donation just that – a suggestion?  If the school couldn’t function without the extra funds, shouldn’t they raise the cost of tuition?  Or they could at least more politely state the fundraising goals of the school for the year, so parents and kids could plan events and have something to strive for during the school year?

In the end, Sam and her husband gave the school another $300…And even though that was a stretch for their family, she confided in us that she felt cheap for not being able to give the “suggested” amount of $2,000!

Colleen’s Museum Mayhem

Last week, Colleen took her grandmother and four nieces and nephews to Boston’s Museum of Fine Art to see the Chihuly Exhibit.  Every Wednesday evening, the museum opens their doors for free to encourage local patrons to enjoy the arts – no matter their income – and this week it seemed like everyone in Boston came out for a little art and culture.  However, on free Wednesdays, the museum still suggests art lovers donate $17 (the cost of regular admission) to enter, even though it is not required.

After waiting 2 hours in line, Colleen (who was on crutches) and her family were just about to be let in when the museum closed the the Chihuly exhibit for the night because it was at capacity.  However, then museum employees came out to work the crowd and get people to pay to become members of the museum.  If they paid, they’d get into the exhibit.  At that point, many people took out their credit cards and paid the suggested donation to get in the door.   Colleen was outraged and decided that she will not be renewing her membership next year!

Feeling Bullied to Give

Giving to charity is a generous and honorable act.  Those who can afford to give typically budget for the amount they want to donate each year.  However, often times the organizations we love to support make us feel like we can’t do enough – even if we can’t afford to give more.  And when it comes to our kids, the peer pressure of what other parents donate really can weigh on your conscience – rational or not.

We all know that cooking with your kids is one of the most Fab & Fru activities out there -  Besides being a huge money saver, it’s fun and you can, of course, make treats with organic and natural ingredients, instead of giving them a lot of chemical-laden ick!

Which is why Fab & Fru is so excited to tell you about a brand new book we adore: CoCo Levine, Cupcake Queen: Fabulous Adventures in Cooking, Crafting & Friendship is hot off the press and available on Amazon. And it’s not just for girls – I have two little boys who just adore Coco’s icky best friend, Larry Contrary, not to mention his recipe for Pickled Frogs!

To celebrate this book launch -and the Fab & Fru-ness of cooking with your kids – we have a fantastic giveaway this week -  A signed copy of CoCo Levine – personally inscribed to your little one from the author, Audrey Davidow, along with a Mini Cupcake Pop Mold, so you can make one of our favorite recipes in the book, CoCo’s Cupcake Lolipops!

To enter to win the book and cupcake pop mold giveaway, just let us know what your favorite memory of cooking as a kid is!

And while we’re on the subject of sweet treats, here are some more organic and natural coupons and deals we found:

From Simply Organic, a variety of printable coupons for their baking mixes, spices and extracts – good for 50 cents or $1.00 off, depending on the product.

From Newman’s Own Organics, 50 cents off one organic chocolate bar, and 75 cents off a pack of their delish organic licorice twists.

From Rudi’s Organic Bakery, $1 off a loaf of their organic bread – great for French Toast.

From French Meadow Bakery, $1 off one gluten-free bakery item.

From Whole Foods:

-$1 off any one Organic Valley 1lb Butter

-$1.50 of any TWO Nature’s Path Organic Toaster Pastries or Granola Bars

-$1.00 off any one MaraNatha Nut Butter

-$1.00 off any one Earth Balance Creamy or Crunchy Peanut Butter or Creamy Almond Butter

-$1 off a 6-pack of ClifKids Organic ZBars or ZFruit Ropes

-$1 off when you purchase a box of Back to Nature cookies AND Back To Nature Crackers

SWEET!

By Megan Segura – August 10, 2011

No Need to Shop When You Can Swap

As summer wanes, the dreaded back-to-school shopping becomes an increasingly necessary evil.  And while you probably need to replenish at least part of your wee one’s wardrobe, part of you can’t help but ask, “What’s the point?” He or she will soon grow out of those expensive clothes, or worse, ruin them with grass stains and lunchroom spills. What’s a Fab & Fru mom to do?

Stop Shopping & Start Swapping

Have you ever been to a clothing swap? From designer threads to Halloween costumes, this hit or miss fashion alternative to thrift shopping really came into vogue when the recession first struck in 2008.  Well, what about kids clothes?  Open your kids closets and drawers, and I’ll bet you’ll find armfuls of items that your kids outgrew before they ever even had the chance to wear them!  Not only will a swap save you money, but it’s eco-friendly. Professional swappers – like the go-to kids clothes swapping site, ThredUp, or the ladies from Swapaholics - have already turned back-to-school shopping into back-to-school swapping – so why don’t you?!

Host Your Own Swap

A clothing swap of kids clothes can save you and other moms you know tons of money. Make a list of your favorite mom pals, send out an evite, and host a kids clothes swap!   Obviously, the clothes should be clean and and in good shape.  Encourage everyone to spread the word and invite all of their other mommy friends, too - the more the merrier!

Even More Fun Than Swapping Spit!

On the day of, set out some fun adult drinks and snacks, and let the women nosh while you sort. First, separate the clothes each mom brought by gender. Next, put each size/age group in separate bags or bins. If you want the clothes to look extra appealing, you should bring in some rolling garment racks and wooden hangers. This also makes browsing a little easier, so moms aren’t having to unfold and refold items that are sprawled out on a table. It might also be helpful for moms who have never swapped before to put some nicely worded signs around the clothes that inform friends to only take as much as they brought. Finally, let the shopping begin!

Don’t Expect to Get Everything You Need

It’s best to begin with a list of all the items your kids need for the upcoming school year. Try getting what you can at the swaps first before heading to the stores to fill in the blanks on your list.

By Brandi Savitt – August 1, 2011

Start the Year Right By Spending Less

We may be in the heat of the summer, but it’s the beginning of August, and that means the kiddies head back to school in just a couple of weeks.  From school supplies and clothes to the modern must haves, we have some Fab & Fru money-saving tips for getting your kids back-to-school in style!

Shop for Supplies at the Drugstore

Think the office supply stores and Target have the best deals on pencils, pens and notebooks this time of year?  Think again!  Lisa, a super-savvy mom from Delaware, swears that the best bargains for basic school supplies can actually be found at the drugstore.  Before stocking up on supplies, check out the sales at your local Walgreens or CVS and compare the prices to Target (or your other store of choice).  Lisa scored a box of ten pencils at Walgreens for just 19 cents, while Target offered a two for one deal for $3 bucks.  Lisa’s Walgreen’s find saved her $1.31 per box!

–Also, check out your local dollar store for serious supply savings, too!

Hold Off Buying Fall & Winter Clothes until Later

I remember how exciting it was to go back-to-school shopping and getting to pick a few new outfits to start the new school year off feeling good.  But the truth of the matter is, the first few weeks of school are likely to be hot, hot ,HOT.  Debbie from New York City insists that there is no need to buy new sweaters, coats and winter pants now – at full price.  Instead, shop the sales racks, and refresh your kids summer digs with a few cute items.  By making sure they have a first day of school outfit that they love (for 50% off), it will be  win-win for everyone!

Take Notes…

As you shop, take note of the fall and winter clothes that catch your kid’s eye. That way you can track when things go on sale, and hit the stores when the season’s fashions are more affordable (and more weather appropriate).  As the weather changes, you can surprise your little ones, or wrap up something special to give them as a holiday surprise!

Teach Your Kids to Talk on the Phone

Whether your kids are old cell phone veterans or you’re getting your son or daughter their first mobile device this year, teach them to keep their texting to the bare minimum.  Cell phone companies have totally caught on that kids love to text, and that’s where prices start to really go up on the family plans.  While mobile to mobile calls are typically unlimited, unlimited texting for the whole family costs significantly more (and wait until your see the costs if they go over their limit)!

Ask your kids to connect with you and their friends by picking up the phone and making a call (almost) the old fashioned way.  Not only will it help with clearer and more connected communication, it could save your family well over $30 or more each month!

How will you save money this school year?  Share with us your favorite Fab & Fru back-to-school cash saving tips!

Preparing Financially to Parent Alone

We all know that life has a funny way of pulling the rug out from under your feet before you even know what hit you.   In the course of the last five years, I have had three close friends – with three very different circumstances – become single moms.  Kara’s husband suddenly left their marriage when their daughter was just eight months old, Diane’s relationship with her boyfriend didn’t last through her pregnancy, and when Courtney turned thirty nine, she decided she couldn’t wait to find the perfect mate so she headed to the sperm bank…

While their situations and choices all differ greatly, the end result for all of these women is that they love their children dearly and love being a mom.  But that’s not to say that the financial and emotional costs of being a single mom are at all easy.  Simply put, whether your baby’s daddy is in the picture or not, single mothers typically have more financial stresses than if they lived with a partner.  So, we went straight to the source and got some fab single moms to give us some firsthand financial advice!

Try to Avoid a Big Custody Battle

Ending a marriage or a long term relationship is emotionally and financially devastating in of itself.  Add a child into the mix – and things can get even uglier!  Even if both parents are somewhat amicable and seemingly have the kids best interests at heart, many newly single moms find that just as they are trying to establish a new life for themselves and for their children, their baby daddy slaps them with a custody suit and all hell breaks loose.

Custody battles can drag out for years – draining all people involved financially.  If you can in ANY way stay on rational speaking terms with your Ex and agree on the basics of custody, visitation and financial issues before the lawyers take over completely, not only will your family be much less stressed – so will your bank account.

Choosing to Have a Baby on Your Own

If you choose to adopt or opt for artificial insemination, the good news is you will most likely have sole custody of your child.  But the expense of adopting or going to the sperm back is not cheap!  And even if you’ve financially prepared for your pregnancy or adoption process, preparing yourself to be a true solo parent from the get-go takes some serious thought and financial planning.  No child support, no every other weekend off- it’s just you and your baby.  How will you work?  How will you date? And can you afford full time child care? – Remember, many people choose this path and couldn’t be happier.  The key is to prepare yourself, save as much as possible, and set up a very solid support system before your baby arrives!

Paying for Childcare

Hands down, next to housing, childcare is the single biggest expense any new parent must plan for.  Being a single mom typically means you need to work, and because you are also the primary caregiver, this adds a whole layer of stress and financial burden that couples just don’t have in quite the same way.  What are your childcare options?  How will you structure your work life in order to spend time with your children?  A woman’s work is never done, and working to have it all means there is ZERO rest for the weary.